Want to be bored to tears?

survey!
[ Current clothes] Elmo Pj's
[ Current Mood ] Tired
[ Current Music ] None
[ Current Make-up ] foundation, eyeliner, mascara, lipstick, eyeshoadow, blush
[ Current Hair ] in a ponytail
[ Current Annoyance ] kid that wont sleep
[ Current Smell ] chocolate
[ Current Favorite Artist/band ] meh
[ Current Desktop Picture ] My kids
[ Current Favorite Group(s) ] meh
[ Current Book you're reading ] Destroyed by Jayne Sterne
[ Current CD in CD Player] no idea
[ Current Refreshment ] milo
[ Current Worry] hmmm

LAST PERSON...

[ You Touched ]Sabby
[You Touched with Love in Your Heart] Sabby
[ You Talked to ] Nate
[ You Hugged ] Sabby
[ You Instant messaged ] Beth
[ You Yelled At ] um cant remember
[ You Kissed ] Nate (shoot me)
FAVORITE...

[ Food ] dont have one
[ Drink ] chocolate milk
[ Color ] pink
[ Album ] meh
[ Shoes ] depends on my mood
[ Candy ] Jellybeans
[ Animal ] pigs
[ TV Show ] Law and Order SVU
[ Movie ] too many
[ Song ] dunno
[ Vegetable ] um... potato
[ Fruit ] green apples
[ Cartoon ] dont have one

ARE YOU...

[ Understanding ] sometimes
[ Open-minded ] yeah mostly
[ Arrogant ] not usually
[ Insecure ] yes
[ Interesting ] no
[ Random ] very
[ Friendly ] yeah
[ Smart ] sometimes
[ Moody ] lol ask my kids
[ Childish ] um not often..
[ Independent ] I think so.
[ Hard working ] yes
[ Organized ] yes
[ Healthy ]  getting there
[ Emotionally Stable ] kinda
[ Shy ]not really, dpends on the situation
[ Difficult ] i'm easy
[ Attractive ] god no
[ Bored Easily ] yes
[ Angry ] hardly ever
[ Sad ] sometimes
[ Happy ] no
[ Hyper ] yes!
[ Trusting ] NO
WHO DO YOU WANT TO...

[ Kill ] people
[ Slap ] noone
[ Get Really Wasted With ]noone
[ Get High With ] noone
[ Look Like ] anyone but me
[ Talk To Offline ] Nate
[ Talk To Online ] noone

[ My Name Is ] ren
[ In The Morning I Am ] still half asleep
[ All I Need Is ] a jellybean
[ Love Is ] weird
[ I'm Afraid of ] a lot of  stuff
[ I Dream About ] random things all the time

-HAVE YOU EVER

[ Pictured your crush naked? ]  don't have a crush
[ Actually seen your crush naked ]
[ Been in love ] Yes
[ Cried when someone died ] Yes
[ Lied ] Yes


-WITH THE OPPOSITE/SAME SEX

[what do you notice first?] Eyes, smile
[last person you slow danced with] Joel
[worst question to ask] "Do you have any hot friends?"

-WHO

[makes you laugh the most?] my kids
[makes you smile] my kids
[gives you a funny feeling when you see them, or talk to them] noone
[who has a crush on you?] Nate
[is easiest to talk to] Nate

-DO YOU EVER

[sit on the internet all night waiting for someone special to IM you?] no
[save aol/aim conversations] used to
[wish you were a member of the opposite sex]nah
[cried because of someone saying something to you] yes

-HAVE YOU EVER

[fallen for your best friend] nah not really
[been rejected] once
[rejected someone] yeah
[used someone] sort of
[been cheated on] yup
[done something you regret] yes

-WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON

[you talked to on the phone] Brailey
[you laughed with] Nate

-DO YOU - ARE YOU

[smoke cigarettes] not anymore
[could you live without the computer?] yeah
[color you hair] yeah
[ever get off the damn computer] yeah
[how many peeps are on your buddylist?] too many
[drink alchohol?] no not really
[like watching sunrises or sunset] love it
[what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain?] emotional

-NUMBER

of times I have had my heart broken?:meh
of hearts I have broken?: i dunno
of guys I have kissed?: too many
of girls I have kissed?: a few
of continents I have lived in?: one
of tight friends?: 3 or 4
of cd's that I own?: lots
of scars on my body?: a few
of things in my past that I regret?: lots

I KNOW: that i probably wont get to sleep tonight
I WANT: life to go back to normal
I HAVE: a headache
I WISH: Sabby would sleep
I HATE relationships
I MISS: Joel
I FEAR:stuff
I HEAR: Sabby
I WONDER: what the hell to do about nate
I REGRET: some stuff i've done
I LOVE:My kids
I ACHE: in my head
I CARE: about my kids
I ALWAYS:pretend everything is ok
I AM NOT: skinny
I DANCE: sometimes
I SING: all the time

I CRY: sometimes
I DO NOT ALWAYS: do what i say i am going to
I FIGHT: myself
I WRITE: stuff
I WIN: nothing
I LOSE: Myself
I CONFUSE: everyone
I LISTEN: most of the time
I CAN USUALLY BE FOUND:cleaning
I NEED: to sleep
I AM HAPPY: sometimes
I SHOULD HAVE: fought for him

life is pretty good

1.What was the highlight of your week?
spending time with kids

2) Whose car were you in last?
my own.

3) When was the last time you made out?
a few weeks ago now 

4) What color shirt are you wearing?
none, i'm in a dress

5) How long is your hair?
below my bra strap

6) Who's on your mind right now?
Joel

7) Last movie you watched?
What women want

8) Last thing you ate?
chocolate

9) Last thing you drank?
iced coffee

10) Where did you sleep last night?
In my bed

11) Do you have a significant other?
yeah...but not sure how much longer for

12) Are you happy right now?
no

13) What did you say last?
ohhh flick!

14) Where is your phone?
no idea, on the kitchen bench i think

15) Favorite comedian?
corrine grant

16) What color are your eyes?
blue

17) Who came over last?
Emma

18) Name the last three things you have bought?
hmmmm chocolate, smokes, iced coffee

19) Who/what do you hate/dislike muchly currently?
i joel

20) What are you listening to?
flick babbling on about who knows what, can occasionally udnerstand a few words like boo mum thank you bye and beeo

21) What's your favorite scent?
dunno

22) Who makes you the happiest right now?
my kids

23) Does someone have a crush on you?
if they do, i don't know about it.

24) Do you have a crush on someone?
nah

25) What were you doing at midnight last night?
cant remember

26) What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?
i need to pee

27) Are you left-handed?
depends on my mood, lol

28) Spell your name without vowels:
ytnrs

29) How many pairs of jeans do you own?:
22 last time i counted

30) What color(s) do you wear most often?
black, red pink

31) What's for dinner tonight?
i had chicken parmigiana

32) What is the last alcoholic beverage you drank?
baileys

33) When Is Your Birthday?
13th july

34) Who was the last person to send you a text message?
jackie

35) Last time you went swimming in a pool?
about an hour ago 

36) Where was the last place you went shopping?
coles

37) How do you feel about your hair?
hate itis

38) Where do you work?
pub

39) Do you wish you were someplace else right now?
nah...

40) Do you have any expensive jewellry?
yeah 

41) AIM or MSN?
both but rarely use aim,

42) What classes are you taking now?
just yoga if yyou call that a class lol

43) Last time you did volunteer work or made any donation?
meh

44) Where does most of your family live?
all over

45) Are you an only child or do you have siblings?
i  legally have siblings. but i say im an only child lol

46) Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?
yeah

47) Got any guilty pleasures?
of course

48) Do you drink beer?
eww. heck no

49) Did you ever collect Beanie Babies?
no

50) Myspace or Facebook?
none

51) Do you have T-Mobile?
that's american not australian

52) What was your favorite subject in school?
drama, english dance and music lol

53) Smoked weed?
yeah last night

54) What type do you usually fall for?
bad boys

55) Last time you saw your parents?
dad last year hes dead now. mum a few days ago


56) Do you have any talents?
i think everyone does

57) Have you ever been in a wedding?
yeah

58) Do you have any children?
yeah

59) Are you missing anyone at the moment?
my dad

60) Did you take a nap today?
nah

61) Favorite vacation spot?
meh

62) Do you have any wealthy friends?
yeah

63) Ever met anyone famous before?
yeah

64) Favorite actor?
tom hanks

65) Favorite actress?
julia roberts

66) Are you multitasking right now?
yeah

67) Could you handle being in the military?
maybe

68) What is your average cell phone bill?
meh

69) Do you believe in Karma?
nah

70) Can you speak any other languages?
yeah but not fluently

71) Last time you went to the gym or worked out?
yesterday
72) How many pairs of shoes do you own?
n87 and a half

73) Last place you drove your car?
airport and back

74) Ever been to Las Vegas?
no

75) What do you think is your best feature?
dont have one

76) Have you ever been gambling?
once or twice

77) When is the last time you updated your blog?
meh

78) Favorite place to be?
anywhere quiet

79) Have you been to New York City?
yeah

80) Ever been to Disney land/world?
no

81) Do you have a favorite cartoon character?
astro boy

82) Last thing you cooked?
chicken parmigiana

83) Hows the weather?
cold for 2am

84) Do you e-mail?
duhhh

85) Last letter/piece of mail you received besides junk or a bill?
letter from my cousin in boston

86) Favorite store?
dont have one

87) Stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone? dropped it down the toilet lol

88) Last time you were sick?
this morning

89) what are your plans for tomorrow?
public holiday. so nothing

What does your name mean? a serene disposition
How old are you? 24
How old are you mentally (as in are you mature?)? who knows
Describe yourself in 5 words. short, funny, weird, hungry, bored
What are your worst qualities im stubborn
What are your best qualities i listen well
How long does it take you get get ready in the morning  anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour or more


~SLEEP~
Do you dream at night?  yeah
Do you remember your dreams?  usually
Describe one. nah cant be bothered
What time do you go to bed usually?  whenever i feel like it
What time do you wake up normally?  6am
What time do you wake on weekends? 6am
Do youfind waking late nice or annoying?  nice
do you sleep with one pillow or two?  4


~FRIENDS~
Do you have heaps of friends?  yeah
Do you have a best friend? yeah
Do you have more guy friends or more girl friends?  guy
Do you ever get annoyed at any friend?  of course doesn't everyone?
Have you ever lied to a friend?  yeah
Have you ever stolen a friends boyfriend/girlfriend?  not on purpose

~FAMILY~
Do you like your parents?  i guess
Ever run away from home?  yeah
Ever thought about it?  if ive done it then obviously i have thought of it
Do you have any siblings? unfortunately
If so, do you like or get annoyed with them?  i cant stand them
How old are they?  30 34 and 20
If not, do you mind being an only child?
Do you feel your parents spoil you?  not really
Do you not get along with any of your family?  dont get along with most of them
Do you have big family get togethers ever?  no not anymore

~RELATIONSHIPS~
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?  husband
If so, are you in love with them?  of course
Do they love you?  he had better
How long have you been together?  ummmm less then a year
Most romantic thing theyve ever done for you?  hmm not sure
Do you have a crush?  no
If so, are you in love?
Do they know you like them?
Is it serious or playful?
How long have you liked them?
Ever done something stupid to impress them?
Have you ever experienced unrequited love? no
Do u find it romantic or hurtful?
Even know what it is? duh


~Sex~
Ever had sex?  obviously if im married
believe that a person shouldnt have sex before marriage?  it happens
Believe in casual sex?  not anymore
When do you plan/when did you lose your virginity?  not telling
Did you regret it?  completely

~Religion~
Do you have a religion?  yeah
Do you practice it i.e go to church?  yeah
Do you believe in God? yeah
Jesus? yeah
Satan? yeah
Heaven? yeah
Hell? yeah
Does death scare you? nope


~Morals~
Have you ever been drunk? yeah
taken drugs? yeah
stolen? yeah
shoplifted? shoplifting is stealing
tried to commit suicide?
Lied to a boyfriend or girlfriend? yes
gotten into a fight?  yes
are you more innocent or guilty?  ummm lol
Would you date a drug addict? no
have you ever had to look after someone who was a drug addict? yes
Are you racist? not really
Are you discriminatory to anyone?  not really
Have you been a hypocrite in the past? hasnt everyone?
Do you have an open or closed mind to other peoples beliefs and feelings? open

~Media~
Do you watch tons of tv? no
How many times have you been to the movies in the past 6 months? none
Do you listne to the radio often? yes
Do you read the newspaper? yes
Do you read magazines? yes
Are you a couch potato? no
Do you use the internet too much? not anymore

~Music~
Whats your fave style of music?  not sure
Do you play an instrument?  many
Do you sing? yes
Whats your fave band? at the moment its the veronicas
Why?  dunno
Have you met them before? yeah
Name 3 cds that youve bought in that last year. none lol
Why did you buy them?

~perosnality~
Are you funny or serious?  bit of both
Creative or not?  creative
Logical thinker or lateral thinker?  lateral
Are you outgoing or shy? bit of both
Are you lazy or active? active
Have you ever been hyperactive? yes lol
Are you a naturally hyperactive person? yes

~Looks~
Are you happy with the way you look? no
What would you change? everything
Do you wear makeup regularly? yes
Do you have a large wardrobe? yes

~Money~
Do you have a job? yeah
Do you like it? yeah
Are you a saver or a spender? spender
Do you work hard or slack off? work hard
Have you ever been fired? no
In trouble at work? yes
Made a major mistake? yes
Ever had money stolen from you? yes
Are you always broke? no

~embarassing moments~
Your all time most embarassing moment? not telling
Ever snorted drink out your nose? all the time
Ever giggled like an idiot? yeah lol
Ever embarassed yourself and pretedned nothing happened? of course
Ever tripped in front of someone you liked? yeah
Ever said soemthing really stupid? all the time
Ever snorted while laughing? yes
Ever fallen off a bed? yes
Ever sleepwalked? yes
Ever sleeptalked?  all the time

~Memories~
Whats your best memory? dunno
Worst? meh
Whats the wierdest memory you have? meh
Do you have a good memory?  very good
Whats the coolest holiday you remember having? going to boston


~Thoughts~
Ever had funny thoughts and laughed and no one understood you? yes all the time
Whats the firs tthoght that comes to your head when you hear these names?
Melissa - slut
Bob  the builder
Vanessa - carlton
Alyssa - charmed
Jess - stratton
Brian - smile
Charlie - bird
Olivia - niece
Drew - barrymore
Lily  flower
Anita - ugh girl in school i hated
Whats the firs thtoughts that come to your head while hearing these words?
cheese  - hungry
rubber - ring
clothes - shopping
big - large
dress code

and according to the lovely tan i suck at it worse then she does

so much has happened since my last post that i dont even know where to start.

so i will just copy this from msn with tan and waz lol

Little Miss Princess Diva says:
i have nothing to update with
Tan says:
I am pregnant with twins,due h when is it,may,june?
Tan says:
joel is away on business
Little Miss Princess Diva says:
june 1
Tan says:
I can't see my toes and don;t sleep much
Tan says:
the end

my kids are crazy. seriously

the other day we had 3 snakes on the back porch. Joel came running inside telling noone to go out there. but you all know me i'm a rebel lol (who also grew up on a farm for most of my early childhood so snakes don't scare me in fact i think theyre gorgeous) me and the kids at the time were in the gym listening and dancing around to music (daggy i know but it kept them quiet lol) so i told the kids and joel to stay inside and went out to investigate. one was just a carpet python which is harmless and the other two were king browns. which are pretty deadly. i have recently taught TJ since moving here that some snakes can be really deadly. so anyway i go out to move the browns. and tj was watching me through the window. she saw what i was doing and apparently turned to joel and shurgged her shoulders and said "oh well she's dead now" then asked joel if she would get a new mummy and walked off. sadistic child of mine

A few days later Rachael was sitting in the living room eating one of those killer python lollies (you know those huge ass snake things) tj looked at her and said you're going to die now. lol. maybe i shouldnt have taught her about snakes. but then of course proceeded to chuck a tantrum because she wanted some of Rach's lolly. a 9 year old and a 2 year old arguing just isn't fun.

Driving to my mums the other day i had eli, tj, rachael and flick in the car. the entire way there elijah was kicking the back of my chair. tj was kicking rachaels. and then they both started fighting over an empty coke bottle. i mean hell come on guys it was an EMPTY bottle. i swear my kids argue just to drive me insane. i really need to find new ways to entertain them in the car because theyre just getting seriously annoying.

ok, well i guess it's about time i updated huh?

i've not been home for the past few weeks, except the weekends. i finally got to a point where i realised that i seriously needed to do something regarding my eating disorder. and my distorted body image. so i was hospitalised. i'm home at the moment because i am allowed to leave for the weekends (though this weekend i very nearly wasn't allowed to go because i've kinda been naughty lol)

when i was admitted into hospital i weighed just under 40 kilos. which is REALLY not good. i had a severe kidney infection, and they thought i might have done some serious damage to my heart and kidneys because of my lifestyle. but luckily both shall be fine if i continue to look after myself. i now weight 46.2 kilos. which is hell scary to me. but at the same time, i know it's a hell of a lot more healthy then i was. My doctors say that for my height i should be at least 50 kilos. and as much as i don't ever want to weigh that much, i know in order to actually be healthy, (and to get myself out of that bloody hospital) i need to reach that goal, and prove that i can maintain that "healthy" weight. it's been hard getting as heavy as i am now, so i'm seriously freaking out about another 4 kilos. but i do notice the change in my head space while being in the hospital. sure, my body image is still distorted, and i have my fat days. but i'm starting to feel normal again. i'm not constantly thinking of my weight, and i'm not constantly counting calories, or checking fat contents on food etc. so that's a good thing.

i've even started to use my time in hospital for the better. i don't just sit in my psych sessions and clam up and not say anything, i actually talk. depending on my mood at the time i can pretty much talk about anything from the weather, to serious shit like how i feel about my dad's death.

Joel has been my rock. without him, i don't think i would be dealing with it all as well as i am now. and being in the hospital he works at is a bonus, because he will come up to my ward on his breaks and just sit and talk with me. or if i can't sleep i can sneak downstairs to the ER and chat with him while he's working. or if he's busy just veg out in the staff tea room and talk to whomever is in there at the time. it's not too bad i guess. though i really do wish i was home. they reckon i will be in there another three or so weeks.

i miss my kids like crazy, but at the same time i try and talk joel into not bringing them into the hospital, maybe because i don't want them too see me as weak, hell i don't really know. and i know it upsets them that i'm not home. it's hard them coming in for an hour or so a few days a week, and then them leaving without me. Rachael takes it pretty badly . aand tj doesn't understand why mummy can't go home and tuck her into bed at night. so it's weekends that i cherish. i just have to make myself better and then i will be able to go home and live a normal life. be the mother that is there for her children no matter what, and the loving wife to joel that he wants me to be. i mean don't get me wrong, i adore joel. but i know with my own issues, im not as giving of myself as i could, and even should be. i tend to forget that he's my husband and he cares, and that he wants to know whats going on in my head, and i shut him out. which is stupid of me because he wants to support me but half the time i don't let him, and i know that frustrates him big time.

i sometimes sit back and wonder what the hell i did to deserve such an amazing man. and such gorgeous kids (who sure can be ratbags sometimes, but what kid isn't occasionally right?)

this is insane, i am so freaking tired, but i can't sleep. joel and i went to bed ages ago and i've done nothing but toss and turn, and kick off the blankets, then steal them all off joel (lol) ever since coming to bed. it's like i ahve way too much goign on in my head to sleep. though my body is exhausted.

Felicity keeps waking up. have a feeling she is teething. poor thing. so can't wait until she is actually old enough to move to her own room downstairs with the rest of the kids lol. at the moment we have been using the room off our room as a nursery/office. but when she is a little older we will use it just as the office.

with all the spare time i have while in hospital i get crap loads of time to just sit and think. something i don't get to do often at home. it's great. though sometimes i think it's too damn quite and i long to hear my kids arguing or something lol.

went for a ride on my horse earlier. poor thing still has no name lol. and he must have got spooked by something, more then likely just a shadow of the trees on our porperty becasue the sun was setting. and this horse is scared of its own shadow, anyway he reared up and bucked me off. i landed flat on my back on a bunch of sticks and tree roots. freaking hurt like mad, and my butt feels bruised lol. my elbow has a huge cut on it from who knows what digging into me. we bought another horse this weekend, but she hasn't been broken in so once i'm out of hospital i guess i am going to have to break her in. she's fairly wild. gorgeous animal baut i don't trust her around people at the moment. she wont let joel anywhere near her. not that he goes near the horses they scare him lmao.

and here i am just rambling because i can't sleep and it's 5am. so i guess i shall stop now because my typing is getting REALLY bad as i can barely keep my eyes open. now if i can get joel to give me some blanket back and to freaking move over i might actually be able to sleep!

Night.

1) Are your parents married or divorced? married
2) Are you a vegetarian? depends on my mood lol
3) Do you believe in Heaven? yeah!
4) Have you ever come close to dying? yes
5) What jewelery do you wear 24/7? wedding and engagement ring. a ring my uncle gave me for my 18th and a ring my dad gave me a few months before he died.
6) Favorite time of day? night time
7) Do you eat the stems of broccoli? no i don't even eat the top of broccoli
8) Do you wear makeup? every day
9) ever have plastic surgery? yeah
10)Do you color your hair? regularly
11) What do you wear to bed?depends, usually just underwear and a tank top, occasionally pjs, or nothing. depends on my mood really
12) Have you ever done anything illegal? who hasn't?
13) Can you roll your tongue? yep!
14) Do You Tweeze your eyebrows? yeah after i wax them
15) What kind of sneakers? nike
16) Do you believe in Abortions?
17) What is your Hair color? black at the moment
18) Future child's name?nothing
19) Do you snore? no but i talk in my sleep
20) If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be? right now, somewhere hot i'm sitting here freezing
21) Do you sleep with stuffed animals? does joel count as a stuffed animal?
22) If you won the lottery, what would you do first? tell someone
23) Gold or silver? white gold
24) Hamburger or hot dog?ewww neither
25) If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? i hate food
26) City, beach or country? all three
27) What was the last thing you touched? the keyboard obviously
28) Where did you eat last? in the dining room
29) When's the last time you cried? about half an hour or so ago
30) Do you read blogs? yep
31) Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex? errr no
32) Ever been involved with the police? yeah
33) what's your favorite shampoo conditioner and soap? pantene.
34) Do you talk in your sleep? yeah
35) Ocean or pool? both
38) Window seat or aisle? aisle, window
39) Ever met anyone famous? yeah
40) Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life? to be honest no
41) Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? depends on my mood
42) Ricki Lake or Oprah Winfrey? ricki!!! i miss her being on aussie tv
43)Basketball or Football? neither
44) How long do your showers last? depends anywhere from 10 minutes to half an hour
45) automatic or do you drive a stick? auto
46) Cake or ice cream? neither
47) Are you self-conscious? very.
48) Have you ever drank so much you threw up? yeah
49) Have you ever given money to a tramp? yeah
50) have you been in love? yeah
51) Where do you wish you were? asleep
52) Are you wearing socks? nope
53) Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? yes
54) Can you tango? yeah
55) Last gift you received? ummm i cant remember
56) last sport you played? netball
57) Things you spend a lot of money on? bills,,clothes, stuff for the kids,
58) Where do you live? adelaide
59) Where were you born? secret
60) Last wedding attended? mine
61) favorite fast food restaurant? meh
63) Most hated food(s)? anything that involves meat
64) What's your least fav.huh??
65) Can you sing? so im told
66) last person you instant messaged?ummm my cousin
67) Last place you went on holiday? america? damn i havent had a holiday in years
68) Favorite regular drink? water
69) Current Crush? noone